冰 與 火 之 歌 小說 翻譯

本书简中版翻译有谭光磊(灰鹰爵士)、屈畅(ccxx)、胡绍晏(husy)、赵琳等人,评价需要分开来作。
卷一与卷二前1/3从谭译台版取来,屈、胡合译卷二剩余部分直至卷四,屈、赵合译卷五。全部译稿由屈校定。

这里重点说信达雅的信,因为有比较客观的标准。

信的标准是不悖原作本意,不符合这一标准的地方就可称为错误。错误的数量可做为衡量「信」的程度的客观指标。不过以下几类情况不作为错误统计:
1. 许多时候,原作本意要结合上下文才能判断。统计错误时,将「下文」 截止到错误所在卷。比方说卷二的一处错误要到卷四出版才能看出来,那就不列入统计。
2. 中英文含义大致相同,只换了个表达方式。
3. 中文读者就能自行纠正的错别字病句。

中英版的差异列表见我维护的《冰与火之歌翻译刍议》(约列举了1400条差异)。从中筛选出刚才定义的「错误」,约800条。
2001年的谭译,每章平均错误约1.8个,标准差为2.0。2011年新版台版的谭译,已经基本没有错误。
屈与胡的贡献没有第一手资料,不好区分,水木上保留了一些当年译者贴出的试阅章节http://t.cn/RUkyXmS 。可见卷三0-7、11章为屈译,8-10、12-15章为胡译。以这几章为样本统计。屈译章均错误5.2个,标准差为3.6。胡译章均错误0.9个,标准差0.9。
各位译者的章均错误标准差跟平均值差不多,说明章均错误的数值还算可靠,受个别数值过高或过低的章节影响不大。

对比旧版台版、旧版简中版、水木上的译文初稿可见,谭译在简中版中基本保持了原貌,但简中版在对谭译的润色过程中每章平均又增加了0.2个错误。实体书对屈、胡的初稿进行了极大的润色修改,几乎已看不出初稿原貌。屈译初稿中的错误基本全部在实体书中再现。而胡译章节的章均错误从原来的0.9上升到了3.4个。由此可以推断实体书的润色修改应该是屈独自完成的。

此外屈、赵译的《七王国的骑士》也出现了错误变多的情况。之前网上流传的翻译,由S.H、Jennifer、史东、Espressocafe等人陆续译出,一共约有错误7处。而重译的《七王国的骑士》,约有错误37处。但无法判断是哪位译者的责任。

综上,从「信」的角度看,胡>谭>>屈。

主观上看,感觉胡译在达、雅方面要远逊谭与屈。但要注意这里看到的胡译的样本只是网上贴出来的试阅初稿,与实体出版的谭译和屈译自然不可同日而语。综合信达雅来看,我的排序是谭>屈>胡。

下面举几个具体例子。有些是2012年新版卷三、卷四出版前我指出来的,并在新版中改好了。所以新版读者大概没见过。

中译本的长处在于文字较流畅,属于译作里上乘水平。同时,译者在翻译前参考了westeros和首相塔等社区的大量讨论,所以能纠正大部分原书中的错误,充分照顾原书的双关、伏笔等细节。

他的同伴年约二十,一身精钢打造的深绿铠甲,绿如密林。他是珊莎所见最英俊的男子,体格高大魁梧,黑玉般的及肩长发衬托出他修整干净的脸庞,那双带着笑意的蓝眼,正好与盔甲的颜色相映成趣。
His companion was a man near twenty whose armor was steel plate of a deep forest-green. He was the handsomest man Sansa had ever set eyes upon; tall and powerfully made, with jet-black hair that fell to his shoulders and framed a clean-shaven face, and laughing green eyes to match his armor.
蓝礼的眼睛,与他两个哥哥和劳勃的所有私生子一样,都是蓝的。(瑟曦的三个孩子都是绿眼睛,清楚表明了他们的身份。)
于是他们把冰原狼和保镖抛在脑后,沿着三叉戟河北岸往西行去,除了“狮牙”以外,没有别的同伴。
And so they left her direwolf and his bodyguard behind them, while they ranged east along the north bank of the Trident with no company save Lion's Tooth.
之前与艾莉亚分别时她说“我跟米凯要骑马到河上游的浅滩去找红宝石。”因此红宝石滩应当在他们停留地的西方。珊莎往东走是不会走到“我父亲杀死雷加• 坦格利安的地方”的,更不会碰见艾莉亚。地图也把十字路口客栈标在三叉戟河上,红宝石滩所在的绿叉河在西边的上游。
一路上,珊莎走在猎狗右边,远离他灼伤的半边脸。
When she emerged, Sansa walked on the Hound's left, away from the burned side of his face.
猎狗烧伤的是左边脸。
这是科霍尔的黑羊,他知道,于是将左手围拢嘴巴:“你们还在!开门!否则我踢进去!”
The black goat of Qohor, he knew. Jaime cupped his hands to shout. “You in there! Open your gates, or I'll kick them down!”
詹姆只剩一只手了。
  • 学城的Alleras译作不同音的拉蕾萨,是因为它是沙蛇Sarella/萨蕾拉的字母逆写,见拉蕾萨和萨蕾拉。
  • 假吟游诗人Abel被译作不同音的尔贝,是因为它是“吟游诗人”Bael/贝尔的字母重排,见George R.R. Martin talks Dance With Dragons。

中译本的短处,是英语基础较差,不懂很多词义和固定搭配。还有不少粗心错漏。

珊莎震惊得好几秒钟说不出话,她感觉自己的眼睛又湿了。
For the second time Sansa found herself too stunned for words. She felt her eyes grow moist again.
“我不是史塔克。”艾德公爵凝视着他。
“I am no Stark.”Lord Eddard saw to that.
II.11 席恩I :“艾德公爵虽让他和自己的儿女一起成长,但席恩始终不是他们的一分子。全城上下,从史塔克夫人到最低贱的厨房小弟,都知道他是用来确保他父亲“表现良好”的人质,并都如此待他。就连那私生子琼恩• 雪诺所受的待遇都比他好。艾德公爵每每试图扮演父亲的角色,然而席恩总提醒自己,对方正是为派克城带来血腥杀戮,并迫使他远离家园的人。小的时候,他一直活在史塔克的严峻面容和那把恐怖巨剑的阴影中,他对妻子则更是疏离而猜疑。”
V.37 临冬城亲王:“这里从来不是我的家。我来这里是做人质的。史塔克公爵待他并不严苛,但公爵那柄钢铁巨剑的阴影却始终横在两人之间。他待我不薄,但谈不上温馨,因为他知道,有朝一日很可能得亲手取我项上人头。”
羊群最早死去,似乎有几千只之多,它们身上插满了箭,羽毛竖立在尸体之上。
The sheep had been dead longest. There seemed to be thousands of them, black with flies, arrow shafts bristling from each carcass.
史坦尼斯• 拜拉席恩的部下把树木砍倒以搭建攻城塔和投石机。十几年一个轮回,凯特琳不禁思量这片树林究竟长了多高,不知奈德南下解风息堡之围时是否也在此观望。
Stannis Baratheon’s foragers had cut the trees down for his siege towers and catapults. Catelyn wondered how long the grove had stood, and whether Ned had rested here when he led his host south to lift the last siege of Storm’s End.
玖健,到了长城又怎么办呢? 我叔叔经常给我强调它的庞大。七百尺高,基部也有七百尺宽,因而城门更像穿越冰层的隧道。
Jojen, what will we do when we reach the Wall? My uncle always said how big it was. Seven hundred feet high, and so thick at the base that the gates are more like tunnels through the ice.
别害怕,充气鱼大人下定决心要让玛格丽当上王后,而提利尔的承诺比凯岩城所有金子加起来还值价,至少在我活着的时候是这样。
Have no fear, Lord Puff Fish is determined that Margaery shall be queen. And the word of a Tyrell is worth more than all the gold in Casterly Rock. At least it was in my day.
他大步跨越落木,飞上树干,爪子抠进树皮,接着向上跳跃,向上,向上,两次,三次,缓慢而艰辛,直到终于登上底部的分枝。
he reached the falling tree in stride and threw himself up the trunk, claws scrabbling at the bark for purchase. Upward he bounded, up, two bounds, three, hardly slowing, until he was among the lower limbs.
顶端很窄,而且和他一样脆弱,根本无法安全站立,他只好蹲在上面,挥舞着骨瘦如柴的手臂。
The top of the rock was too small to stand on safely, as weak as he was, so he crouched
and waved his fleshless arms.
害羞的小子,才九岁,是我唯一的亲儿子呢。
He is still shy of nine, this son of mine. The boy is not the man.
他们离开铁匠铺徒步前进,提利昂一路哐当作响,努力跟上骑士的急步流星。每当他要摔倒,骑士都会及时抓住铁镣,粗鲁地把他拽起来,扔到旁边,让侏儒继续踉跄跟上。
The rest of the way they went by foot, Tyrion clanking and clattering as he struggled to keep up with his captor's long, impatient strides. Whenever he threatened to fall behind, the knight would seize his fetters and yank them roughly, sending the dwarf stumbling and hopping along beside him.
我们得让他们见识见识龙,就像当初您让我见识的那样.
We need them dragons, the way I see it.
罗柏没有武器,但凯特琳有。她扯紧伊耿的头发,麻木地割喉咙,直至见骨。
Robb had broken his word, but Catelyn kept hers. She tugged hard on Aegon's hair and sawed at his neck until the blade grated on bone.
估计不懂break one's word,擅自改成sword
乌斯威克考虑半晌。“君临太远,况且你父亲在那里。泰温大人不会原谅我们的行为。” 你真聪明。一旦脱困,我非把这该死的妞儿吊死不可,净惹麻烦。
Jaime had been looking forward to hanging the wretch while his pockets bulged with gold.
wretch看成wench

上面这些错误属于中学生级的。此外,译者读书依然有未尽细致之处,马丁特别爱复用细节,几乎每个细节描写都能在前后文找到呼应之处,只是有的就在本章,有的要跨几卷。所以很多译错的地方,和前后文冲突了,用心的书迷一看就能发现矛盾。

丹妮摆出了她照哥哥身材亲手裁制的衣服
Dany laid out the clothing she'd had made to her brother's measure
后文其实也说了是多莉亚缝的。
罗伊斯伯爵及其兄弟和他们的儿子
Both Lord Royces and their sons.
说的其实是符石城的约恩• 罗伊斯和月门堡的奈斯特• 罗伊斯,分别是罗伊斯家族主系和旁支的族长。
王家舰队中有好些船当年随史坦尼斯公爵攻打龙石岛,再也没有回来,由是海军一直元气不足。而今又要分出一部分,提利昂深感不安,但瑟曦决不允许减少护卫。
It made Tyrion more than a little uneasy to detach so great a part of their already inadequate fleet, depleted as it was by the loss of all those ships that had sailed with Lord Stannis to Dragonstone and never returned, but Cersei would hear of nothing less.
本来说的是琼恩• 艾林死后史坦尼斯带着舰队主力跑到龙石岛备战。
“他们把她栓在庭院中央的柱子上折磨,然后把血淋林的裸女推出堡门。”好啊,瑟曦,你等着瞧!提利昂疯狂地想。
“They tied her to a post in the yard and scourged her, then shoved her out the gate naked and bloody.”She was learning to read, Tyrion thought, absurdly.
忘了爱拉雅雅正在学习读写,只好瞎翻。
他知道自己将要面对的对手,俗话怎说来着?“多恩壮士密如沙,唯此一人甲天下”。
He knew what he must deal with by then. How many Dornishmen does it take to start a war? he asked himself. Only one.
没意识到这是提利昂戏拟的先前乔佛里讲的笑话,现编了句俗话。
伊蒙学土说他的伤口恢复得很好,但琼恩有其他疤痕,比眼睛周围的黑眼圈更深。
Though Maester Aemon said his wound was healing well, Jon bore other scars, deeper than the ones around his eye.
没注意eye是单数,也忘了琼恩被鹰抓伤过。
她可不会轻易透露真名。“愿意的话,叫乳鸽也行,”她说,“我无所谓。”大个子咧嘴一笑。“拿剑的乳鸽,”他道,“稀奇,真稀奇。”“我叫大牛。”詹德利边说边挡到艾莉亚前面。大牛至少比羊排好听。
She was not about to give up her true name as easy as that.“Squab, if you want,”she said.“I don't care.”The big man laughed.“A squab with a sword,”he said.“Now there's something you don't often see.”“I'm the Bull,”said Gendry, taking his lead from Arya. She could not blame him for preferring Bull to Mutton Chop.
是his lead,不是the lead。后文“艾莉亚收剑入鞘,走到小路对面去见朋友们”,说明詹德利一直没走过来。
看到诺伊的大肚子和挽起的衣袖,看到他长满黑胡楂的下巴,感觉真好。
It was good to be back, good to see Noye with his big belly and pinned-up sleeve, his jaw bristling with black stubble.
注意sleeve 是单数。因为唐纳• 诺伊没有左臂,“他的黑羊毛外衣左袖用一个长剑形状的别针系在肩头”(卷一)。

最后,书中不少俗语、古语与双关,非母语人士不借助俚语字典、冰火wiki、google、语料库、全书检索等工具很难理解,这方面的误译自然也不少。不过当然情有可原,毕竟当年翻译时没有现在这么丰富的资料可供参考。

两个葛洛佛的人欢快地奏起木竖琴和笛子。
Two Glover men began a spinning skirl on bladder and woodharp.
Bladder 指的是bladder pipe,中世纪的一种风笛,可译作“气囊笛”。卷五译作“乐师用铃铛、管乐器和气囊演奏奇特的调子”。
绞架下,奔流城的主人呆呆地望着麻绳。他双脚黑黑的,全是泥巴,只穿了短裤,身上徒利家的红蓝丝衣沾满污垢。听到脚步声,他缓缓抬头,舔了舔干裂的嘴唇。
Atop the gallows, the Lord of Riverrun stood staring at the trap beneath him. His feet were black and caked with mud, his legs bare. Edmure wore a soiled silken tunic striped in Tully red and blue, and a noose of hempen rope. At the sound of Jaime's footsteps, he raised his head and licked his dry, cracked lips.
Trap=trapdoor, 是绞架下面的活动踏板,抽去之后人就悬空了。正因为他低头看着脚下,之后才会有抬头的动作。
“黑色的翅膀,带来黑色的消息,”托蒙德嘟囔,“你们下跪之人不常这样说吗?”“我们还说‘冰冻三尺非一日之寒’,”琼恩告诉他,“还有月圆之时不要和多恩人喝酒。这样的话很多。”
“Dark wings, dark words,”muttered Tormund.“Isn't that what you kneelers say?” “We say, Bleed a cold but feast a fever too,”Jon told him.“We say, Never drink with Dornishmen when the moon is full. We say a lot of things.”
有句流传上百年的俗谚描述了对付感冒发烧的手段,但它的两个完全相反的版本的流行程度都差不多:feed a cold, starve a fever 和starve a cold, feed a fever。单从这点就知道这话有多不靠谱了。琼恩这里说的是这句俗谚的中世纪版/维斯特洛版。他列举了两句不靠谱的俗谚,用来表达他对这些传统民间智慧的态度。与下文“黑色的翅膀,带来黑色的消息。或许古老的谚语中有他忽视的智慧”呼应。可惜穆利没有领会他的意思,又添了句比较靠谱的俗谚,琼恩只好回应“我想此刻的至理名言够多了”。
在他们面前奉上一盘盘面包,又从叉子上切下烤成棕色,流着热汤汁的肉片。
He laid trenchers of bread before them and filled them with chunks of browned meat off a skewer, dripping with hot juice.
根据几卷书中对trencher的描写,比如 “(邓克)他横着撕开面包,下面半块拿来当盘子,上面半块顺手吃掉”,“沙拉之后是蟹爪派,接着是装在空心面包盘里的韭菜胡萝卜烤羊肉。”,“船长们不再挖陈旧的干面包当盘子”,“浓汤盛在一条挖空了的老面包里”等可知,不是一盘盘面包,而是面包挖空了当盘子。
“瓦雷利亚钢的,龙骨刀柄,可惜就是样式普通。您感兴趣的话,就送给您吧。”“送给我?”提利昂意味深长地看了他一阵,“不,我觉得不妥,还是别给我的好。”
“Valyrian steel, and a dragonbone hilt. A trifle plain, though. It's yours, if you would like it.”“Mine?”Tyrion gave him a long look.“No. I think not. Never mine.”
双关之前小指头撒谎说这把刀是提利昂的。不妨译作“您感兴趣的话,这刀就是您的了。” “我的?还是算了,我可不想让它变成我的。”
仆人们撤下几乎没动的天鹅。瑟曦招呼上甜点。“希望你喜欢黑莓甜饼。”“甜饼我都喜欢。”“噢,这点我很久以前就了解。你知道瓦里斯为何这么危险?”
“I love all sorts of tarts.”
Tarts 另一个义项是妓女或放荡女人。所以之后瑟曦说她早知道,并说提利昂“一半时间是用两腿之间那条软虫在思考”。不妨译作“只要是甜心我都喜欢。”
“您继续讲吧,我喜欢听故事。”“我们发现你生得无甚特异,因此深感失望。一路过来,人们都说你像猪似的长了一根硬硬的卷尾巴……”
“But do go on, I pray you. I love a good tale.”“And well you might, since you were said
to have one, a stiff curly tail like a swine's……”
tale tail 同音双关,不妨译作“您继续讲吧,我喜欢有头有尾的故事。”“再适合你不过,听说你长了条又硬又弯的猪尾巴呢……”